Change is in!

What a summer it's been!  Got a new job - this explains the fact that I haven't updated my blog basically since I accepted that job.  It's kind of weird, I feel like I'm in this state of suspended animation - I haven't worked out or blogged since. I have this feeling that this change has added a huge weight on the scale, and I've been operating with this fear, that the slightest thing might tip the scale in the wrong direction.  So I've dropped a few non-essentials and tried to focus on big picture things.  I'm carefully trying to balance all the natural stressers that go along with a new job, while incorporating all the essential fall activities - kids back at school, parent volunteer activities, required school events, kid's birthdays and of course, extra-curricular activities.  

So to go along with the new job, I'm focusing on having a new attitude.  These are my new rules: Simplify. I've embraced the reality that each child does not need to do 5 activities to be well rounded.  Princess is now doing two activities only (gymnastics and piano) and Prince is doing one (swimming).  The nice thing about having a big spread between the kids is that you can cut yourself some slack.  Princess only started taking piano lessons seriously last year and she's excelling.  So now I know I need not spend thousands (literally) of dollars taking Prince to music classes between the ages of 3-6. Embrace.  Embrace the imbalance and especially the tough moments.  So instead of getting frustrated with the significant parental involvement that homework necessitated last year, I've decided that I'm going to view this as an opportunity to keep learning.  I'm learning new ways to do math and new facts about US history (which I never studies as a kid since I did not grow up in the US).  

Here's the punch line - now that I've embraced the need to help with homework, Princess has taken another one of those turns - she doesn't seem to need my help anymore.  Not sure how long this will last ... but it sure feels good and it is a reminder that change is inevitable.  Even as I typed this blog, Prince started screaming because he wanted to look at the Power Puff girls on my iphone, but for some reason it wouldn't work.  I just kept typing - said a few calm words to him - and kept typing.  Then remarkably, the crying stopped. I've finished my post and I'm reminded  - change is inevitable - no condition in life is permanent ... not even a crying baby (that would be my now four year old son)!

 

Something new ...

About a month ago I decided that I'm going to embrace the corporate experience in its entirety.  For years (10 years to be precise) I have been struggling with the corporate establishment - engaged in this push and pull - trying to be a rising professional star, while at the same time being a star mom.  Yet, if I had to be honest with myself, I could admit that my professional "best" has always come with resentment (because of what it took from my kids) while my mommy best comes with feelings of joy and accomplishment (most of the time).  The irony is that the things my professional best give me - i.e. the ability to live in a beautiful home, in a great neighborhood and to send my kids to private school - should never be taken lightly or disregarded.  

This is the reality that made me sign up for golf lessons with a friend about a month ago.  Off we went, two weekends in a row, to Olney Golf Park for what have turned out to be very fun lessons.  Then, to make it better, we went to practice one Saturday morning because my friend lives on a golf course in Bethesda.  To my great surprise, I'm LOVING it!  What's not to love - quiet time, with no-one calling and asking me to do anything and I'm not even breaking a sweat.  The only competition while you're out there perfecting your swing, is You!  How do you make the next shot better than the one before - that's it!  Of course, the thought occurred to me one Saturday morning that anytime men are all over something, women should jump right on it because chances are, we're missing out when we don't.  In this case, we miss out both the down time AND the professional opportunities that the game lends itself to.

The irony here is that I started off with the intention of not having to decline the next golf invitation that came my way. I have now accepted that career growth requires a mastery of both technical proficiency and effectively working the social space. And to be honest, there are some special challenges when working that space as a black woman who also happens to be a mother.  But in the process, I have found a space for myself that I quite enjoy - one where my family can join in the fun sometimes, but one where I can be tranquil and reflective. So here's to my new discovery ... let me know if you want to join in sometime - I promise you just might like it!