How does he do it?

I don't know how he does it, but whatever the deal, I'm now pretty sure he does it on purpose to flip me off. Ever since my son was three months old, he has had the uncanny ability to catch you at your weakest moment then throw up over EVERYTHING - usually in the bed, which means stripping all the linens, trekking to the laundry two floors down - then starting the entire bed time routine all over again. In fact, he was so skilled at three months, that he won the "cry it out" war and has not slept in his crib since.

Prince is now almost three and a half years old and oops, he did it again. After a long day at work, followed by a trip to the pool to watch and pick up Princess from swim practice, a return trip to the pool after getting home and realizing that Princess left her swimsuit, goggles and other stuff at the pool, etc. etc. (despite the fact that she has a swim backpack that is large enough to carry the entire pool) I'm finally getting the kids to bed. Prince is really congested, so we spend 30 mins looking for the nebulizer, give him some cough syrup and just as I was about to give him some Ocean spray he starts screaming, then coughing, then screaming, then coughing. Then hubby takes him to the next room to show him who the man in the house was. Then Prince let it all out on the bed .... I'm convinced he does this on purpose!

Unleashed

BK (before kids) - I recall seeing children on leashes while walking with their parents through a store or mall.  Given my Caribbean roots, I recall thinking self-righteously "who on earth would put their child on a leash"?  

AK (after kids and Prince in particular) - we are leaving swimming practice - Prince, Princess, my mom and me (hubby is at class tonight).  Prince takes off, running like Dash on the Incredibles - and I'm wearing three inch heels having gone straight to the pool from work.  I can't catch him.  I scream after him, but having absolutely no sense of the danger he is in, Prince runs even faster.  I tell Princess to run after him, she obeys and catches up to him, but he fights her off before I can get there then he's off again - into the parking lot - it's dark and anything can happen.  My heart is racing, I'm terrified and he is laughing hysterically.  Did I mention Prince cost me several thousand dollars as soon as he learned to walk because we had to install a fence around our home after a few similarly horrible experiences at home?  Anyway, I finally catch him safely at the car (only by the grace of God) and I'm livid and terrified.  The entire drive home I contemplated heading to Target tomorrow to purchase a leash - Eddie Bauer has a cute "harness buddy" and I'd rather seem like an evil parent than have to even think the unthinkable.