Change is in!

What a summer it's been!  Got a new job - this explains the fact that I haven't updated my blog basically since I accepted that job.  It's kind of weird, I feel like I'm in this state of suspended animation - I haven't worked out or blogged since. I have this feeling that this change has added a huge weight on the scale, and I've been operating with this fear, that the slightest thing might tip the scale in the wrong direction.  So I've dropped a few non-essentials and tried to focus on big picture things.  I'm carefully trying to balance all the natural stressers that go along with a new job, while incorporating all the essential fall activities - kids back at school, parent volunteer activities, required school events, kid's birthdays and of course, extra-curricular activities.  

So to go along with the new job, I'm focusing on having a new attitude.  These are my new rules: Simplify. I've embraced the reality that each child does not need to do 5 activities to be well rounded.  Princess is now doing two activities only (gymnastics and piano) and Prince is doing one (swimming).  The nice thing about having a big spread between the kids is that you can cut yourself some slack.  Princess only started taking piano lessons seriously last year and she's excelling.  So now I know I need not spend thousands (literally) of dollars taking Prince to music classes between the ages of 3-6. Embrace.  Embrace the imbalance and especially the tough moments.  So instead of getting frustrated with the significant parental involvement that homework necessitated last year, I've decided that I'm going to view this as an opportunity to keep learning.  I'm learning new ways to do math and new facts about US history (which I never studies as a kid since I did not grow up in the US).  

Here's the punch line - now that I've embraced the need to help with homework, Princess has taken another one of those turns - she doesn't seem to need my help anymore.  Not sure how long this will last ... but it sure feels good and it is a reminder that change is inevitable.  Even as I typed this blog, Prince started screaming because he wanted to look at the Power Puff girls on my iphone, but for some reason it wouldn't work.  I just kept typing - said a few calm words to him - and kept typing.  Then remarkably, the crying stopped. I've finished my post and I'm reminded  - change is inevitable - no condition in life is permanent ... not even a crying baby (that would be my now four year old son)!

 

Something new ...

About a month ago I decided that I'm going to embrace the corporate experience in its entirety.  For years (10 years to be precise) I have been struggling with the corporate establishment - engaged in this push and pull - trying to be a rising professional star, while at the same time being a star mom.  Yet, if I had to be honest with myself, I could admit that my professional "best" has always come with resentment (because of what it took from my kids) while my mommy best comes with feelings of joy and accomplishment (most of the time).  The irony is that the things my professional best give me - i.e. the ability to live in a beautiful home, in a great neighborhood and to send my kids to private school - should never be taken lightly or disregarded.  

This is the reality that made me sign up for golf lessons with a friend about a month ago.  Off we went, two weekends in a row, to Olney Golf Park for what have turned out to be very fun lessons.  Then, to make it better, we went to practice one Saturday morning because my friend lives on a golf course in Bethesda.  To my great surprise, I'm LOVING it!  What's not to love - quiet time, with no-one calling and asking me to do anything and I'm not even breaking a sweat.  The only competition while you're out there perfecting your swing, is You!  How do you make the next shot better than the one before - that's it!  Of course, the thought occurred to me one Saturday morning that anytime men are all over something, women should jump right on it because chances are, we're missing out when we don't.  In this case, we miss out both the down time AND the professional opportunities that the game lends itself to.

The irony here is that I started off with the intention of not having to decline the next golf invitation that came my way. I have now accepted that career growth requires a mastery of both technical proficiency and effectively working the social space. And to be honest, there are some special challenges when working that space as a black woman who also happens to be a mother.  But in the process, I have found a space for myself that I quite enjoy - one where my family can join in the fun sometimes, but one where I can be tranquil and reflective. So here's to my new discovery ... let me know if you want to join in sometime - I promise you just might like it!

Time Flies

So this morning, Princess woke me at 6:00am ... I repeat ... Princess woke me at 6:00 am, with a smile, fully dressed and informed me that she already had her breakfast. "Breakfast!!!" My daughter's breakfast for the past eight years (with the exception of the odd guilt infused week) has consisted of a cup of chocolate milk -- thanks to (a) the article that informed me there is more energy packed into a cup of chocolate milk than Gatorade and (b) the fact that I decided to unpick the battle of rushing to make breakfast then fight with a child for 30 minutes after that about eating it, only to throw it all away at the 35th minute (minus two bites when it's time to rush out the door).

But I digress. My daughter's birthday present to me was yet another one of those sharp bends in the road of motherhood - that arrives without warning - and signals that we have again transitioned and there is now one less thing that I will be "doing" for my daughter. It's funny - encountering these moments helps me to take a deep breadth when I'm feeling overwhelmed by, for example, potty training with Prince. I try to keep reminding myself - before you know it, this will be behind you and the opportunity does not come back. So I try to enjoy the process of "mothering" a bit more - with each child. Even when the morning routine for the past few years meant I could either (a) not work out or (b) work out in the morning and feel like I've been going for five hours when I sit at my desk at 8:30. Coincidentally, my son's birthday present was sleeping through the night with no pull-ups and no accidents.

Time is indeed flying ... so today as I celebrate my birthday, I am thankful for the gift of another year of health, happiness, employment (not to be taken lightly these days) and a beautiful family. I am also reminded that each opportunity to "mother" is also a gift - one that is to be appreciated and enjoyed daily.

Today I will also embrace the fact that I missed the meeting at Princess' school last night that was supposed to wrap up the year of the diversity committee - did I mention I am the co-chair of that committee? But of course, I forgot for the following reasons: (i) my iphone is not synched with my work calendar; (ii) I left work early to take a high school friend who spent the weekend with us back to the airport - so the reminder did not pop up; (iii) there have been school activities almost every day last week and this week; (iv) my work calendar had a glitch yesterday that caused about 20 appointments to pop up all at the same time so I deleted them all; and (v) I was not paying attention to my calendar anyway as I was stressing over the fact that I had to leave work early again as I have to take a day off for Princess' field trip on Thursday and will miss Prince's end of year class party on Friday. So, I embrace this insanity today because in a few years, this is all going to be a distant memory so why taint it?

Thanks!

I can't believe it's almost three months since I've posted anything to my blog - in large part because I have been completely swamped with home-work, play dates, cleaning (I got rid of my cleaning person because we are in a tight economy and I'm trying really hard to make decisions about needs vs. wants), etc. etc. But I'm back and my first post is an ode to thankfulness.

While we are rushing around, dashing from here to there, we have to remind ourselves to stop and smell the roses. To be truly thankful for all the many blessings we have even as everything around us seems to be going crazy. Last week I was reminded that as much as we have to remind ourselves to be thankful as adults, it is never too early to teach our kids how to be thankful as it really is a life lesson.

Last week after we were all hit with the stomach flu (with the exception of hubby who of course was out of the country when we were all busy contracting the virus) and my mom dutifully cared for my entire family, my mom got hit on Saturday - just in time for Princess' school auction and sleep-over.

When Princess started crying, I lost my patience and scolded that she was not being very appreciative of all grandma did to take care of us when we were sick. To which Princess replied "I wish you had started teaching me about being thankful when I was one or two, so now that I'm eight, I would understand better how to be thankful". I stopped and asked - really? I never taught you about thankfulness before? Don't I talk to your brother about being thankful? The retort - "No." So I thanked Princess for her insights and told her she was absolutely right - it is never too early to start teaching kids to be thankful.

So here's to being thankful - for all the bumps, bruises, twists and curves that life throws - there is no way to achieve balance without a healthy dose of thankfulness!

How does he do it?

I don't know how he does it, but whatever the deal, I'm now pretty sure he does it on purpose to flip me off. Ever since my son was three months old, he has had the uncanny ability to catch you at your weakest moment then throw up over EVERYTHING - usually in the bed, which means stripping all the linens, trekking to the laundry two floors down - then starting the entire bed time routine all over again. In fact, he was so skilled at three months, that he won the "cry it out" war and has not slept in his crib since.

Prince is now almost three and a half years old and oops, he did it again. After a long day at work, followed by a trip to the pool to watch and pick up Princess from swim practice, a return trip to the pool after getting home and realizing that Princess left her swimsuit, goggles and other stuff at the pool, etc. etc. (despite the fact that she has a swim backpack that is large enough to carry the entire pool) I'm finally getting the kids to bed. Prince is really congested, so we spend 30 mins looking for the nebulizer, give him some cough syrup and just as I was about to give him some Ocean spray he starts screaming, then coughing, then screaming, then coughing. Then hubby takes him to the next room to show him who the man in the house was. Then Prince let it all out on the bed .... I'm convinced he does this on purpose!

Three (or more) is a crowd

After going out with my hubby (and two other couples) on Saturday night, on the heels of a mini-get away with the hubby the weekend before, I am beginning to realize that it is not only nice, but essential to be able to spend quality time with your hubby away from the kids. For numerous reasons, I feel like I rarely do this - as my mom cares for our kids when we're at work, I feel really badly asking her to help out on the weekend, but I feel worse paying someone else babysit when I could just give my mom the money. So I have found that increasingly, we spend no time together alone unless we're going to do errands (and it's truly a sorry state of affairs when a trip to the grocery store is a date). That's cute when you're dating - not so much when you're married. So this is my plug for re-connecting. I've decided that in my quest to find the ultimate balance, having a social life with my hubby is one of the best presents I could give to my kids.

Then my friend forwarded this article to me ... the author said it so well, I decided to share the link ... let me know what you think!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/opinion/05coontz.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

When it rains ...

So I had every intention of making my next post a story about my anniversary rendezvous to Cancun with hubby - first trip together without the family in tow in nine years (our honeymoon cruise with Princess in the oven doesn't count). Now let's be clear - the trip was FANTASTIC! We stayed at this incredible resort - the Me-Cancun - that was an amazing experience from the scented lobby when you first arrive, the hip music, the incredible food, the outstanding service, the romantic bali beds overlooking the pool and the ocean and the list can go on. I have now decided that after nine years, solo trips for the marriage are essential - there's nothing like it for reconnecting with your hubby and for getting real sleep.

But despite these wonderful thoughts, what got me to my computer two nights after returning home is the electric jolt with which I was brought back to reality almost immediately upon touching down at Reagan National Airport.

First the drizzle ... 45 minutes to find the car after we arrived home because hubby, who drove us to the airport, didn't remember where he parked the car. Now it occurred to me that I should pay attention, but every once in a while, I dare to believe that my extremely detail oriented hubby (at least when it comes to putting out the garbage and paying the bills) would think to pay attention to where he is parking the car. Alas, this was not to be. Now in his defense, we did catch a 6am flight out after a rough week at work and parenting (and school for hubby). But seriously, after a lavish three night retreat and a too long flight to get home, getting into the car should NOT, under any circumstances, take 45 minutes (after wife decides to check the ground floor of the parking lot after walking back and forth on the same three floors).

Then we arrive home. To say the kids are thrilled to see us would be the understatement of the year. My daughter is SO excited that she prepares a "dish" that includes butter, eggs, water, chocolate sauce and other ingredients I cannot recall. I must find a way to gently let Princess know that while I appreciate the kind gesture, that "dish" simply is not for human consumption. To which she replies "you think it's disgusting, don't you?" I smile and hug her and assure her it's not disgusting, just not edible. Did I mention I was exhausted?

It's raining now: we finally get the kids to bed - Princess wakes up the next morning complaining of an itchy throat. Lovely, I now recall the e-mail from the nurse at school that there were two reported cases of strep in her class last week - so she stays home for the day. When I call home during the day to check-in, my mom informs me that she chipped her tooth/filling and would have to go the dentist the next day. This would also be the day that mom has an appointment (long standing) with a specialist.

The downpour: next day - Princess claims to still not be feeling better and while I know in my heart she doesn't have strep, my head won't let me not take her to the doctor. So now what is on my agenda for today? Mom has two doctor's appointments, Prince has school, Princess is sick and hubby and I can't possibly take time off work when every day another 10,000 plus people lose their jobs. And of course while everyone is willing to help me make this happen, let's be clear, this is something that I have to figure out. So after hours of twitching, starting the e-mail to my boss and deleting it three times, I decide on "the plan".

.... Prince is not going to school because he's in pre-school anyway so I've got to let this one go. Hubby will stay at home with Prince and Princess in the morning while mom gets to her appointments. I will catch a ride to work with a friend. Hubby will pick me up (from work) before he goes into the office around 11 am (of course I had a meeting scheduled at 10, which was cancelled by 10:05). I drop hubby at the metro and head home with the kids and get them something to eat until mom gets home. When mom arrives, I head back to the office. By 6:30pm when I'm leaving work (didn't make the 5:30 escape to the gym) who am I kidding - I'm not going to the gym now - all I want to do is go home.

Two days back and I'm ready for another vacation, because the number one law of motherhood is to accept the fact that once it starts raining .....