Double Lives

Several years ago I did a pretty unscientific survey.  I was in the job market having recently returned to the country from a stint abroad and feeling pretty optimistic about my future.  I was trying to transition from law firm to "anything but a law firm".  So I did some temp work and started my search.  At this point I only had one child - Princess.  After a very short time I landed a pretty good job - at a law firm - but was generally happy to be employed (so I didn't complain).  An interesting side bar - at the end of my job search, I had two offers.  Both offers were from firms where I did not mention the fact that I had kids during the interview.  I did not get any offers from firms (or even academic institutions) where I mentioned my daughter (even in passing).

Flashback ... when we were graduating from law school, a friend who just had her first son was talking about the interviewing process and she commented that you cannot talk about your kids during an interview.  Back then, childless and not even married, I replied - if you can't tell a prospective employer about your kids, then that's not a job you want anyway.

Now it's 2009 and I find myself making a new pledge - not to talk about my kids at work.  Toward the end of last year I started realizing that anytime I mentioned my kids in relation to time off etc., I started hearing references to my kids often in very patronizing ways - like "I completely understand that you have to leave early sometimes because you've got kids ... but I don't mind!" The first time - no problem, the second time, kinda strange, but by the third time, you just have to shut it down.

So I've decided in the interest of my professional development, it's better not to mention my kids.  No early pick-ups, no doctor's appointments, no parent-teacher conferences, no class plays, nothing ... nada ....  Because the sad but true reality that we sometimes live as mothers is that your boss probably does not want to hear about your kids (even when he says he does).... especially if that discussion involves a reason why you won't be doing what s/he's paying you to do. Now if you're a father, the rules change - but that's a post for another day!