Double Lives

Several years ago I did a pretty unscientific survey.  I was in the job market having recently returned to the country from a stint abroad and feeling pretty optimistic about my future.  I was trying to transition from law firm to "anything but a law firm".  So I did some temp work and started my search.  At this point I only had one child - Princess.  After a very short time I landed a pretty good job - at a law firm - but was generally happy to be employed (so I didn't complain).  An interesting side bar - at the end of my job search, I had two offers.  Both offers were from firms where I did not mention the fact that I had kids during the interview.  I did not get any offers from firms (or even academic institutions) where I mentioned my daughter (even in passing).

Flashback ... when we were graduating from law school, a friend who just had her first son was talking about the interviewing process and she commented that you cannot talk about your kids during an interview.  Back then, childless and not even married, I replied - if you can't tell a prospective employer about your kids, then that's not a job you want anyway.

Now it's 2009 and I find myself making a new pledge - not to talk about my kids at work.  Toward the end of last year I started realizing that anytime I mentioned my kids in relation to time off etc., I started hearing references to my kids often in very patronizing ways - like "I completely understand that you have to leave early sometimes because you've got kids ... but I don't mind!" The first time - no problem, the second time, kinda strange, but by the third time, you just have to shut it down.

So I've decided in the interest of my professional development, it's better not to mention my kids.  No early pick-ups, no doctor's appointments, no parent-teacher conferences, no class plays, nothing ... nada ....  Because the sad but true reality that we sometimes live as mothers is that your boss probably does not want to hear about your kids (even when he says he does).... especially if that discussion involves a reason why you won't be doing what s/he's paying you to do. Now if you're a father, the rules change - but that's a post for another day!

Unleashed

BK (before kids) - I recall seeing children on leashes while walking with their parents through a store or mall.  Given my Caribbean roots, I recall thinking self-righteously "who on earth would put their child on a leash"?  

AK (after kids and Prince in particular) - we are leaving swimming practice - Prince, Princess, my mom and me (hubby is at class tonight).  Prince takes off, running like Dash on the Incredibles - and I'm wearing three inch heels having gone straight to the pool from work.  I can't catch him.  I scream after him, but having absolutely no sense of the danger he is in, Prince runs even faster.  I tell Princess to run after him, she obeys and catches up to him, but he fights her off before I can get there then he's off again - into the parking lot - it's dark and anything can happen.  My heart is racing, I'm terrified and he is laughing hysterically.  Did I mention Prince cost me several thousand dollars as soon as he learned to walk because we had to install a fence around our home after a few similarly horrible experiences at home?  Anyway, I finally catch him safely at the car (only by the grace of God) and I'm livid and terrified.  The entire drive home I contemplated heading to Target tomorrow to purchase a leash - Eddie Bauer has a cute "harness buddy" and I'd rather seem like an evil parent than have to even think the unthinkable.

"Me First" Sunday

So this Sunday I decided to put "me" first after my mom shared an excerpt of the Michelle Obama biography with me on Saturday.  According to the book, when Michelle was up early one morning with baby Sasha, feeling tired and out of shape, she looked across to see her husband (yes, that would be Barack Obama) sleeping soundly at her side.  Michelle then decided - at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym only to get home and find that her girls were up and fed.  Michelle then commented that with men the order of things is: "me" first, family second, God is somewhere in the equation then there is everything else. She then correctly noted that with women, we have the tendency to put "me" fourth.

This reminds me of the decision that I made when Prince was born (almost five years after I suffered through numerous nighttime feedings, changings, burpings etc., etc., with Princess).  Much like Doree in Nemo who sings "just keep swimming", I forced myself to "just keep sleeping" when Prince woke up crying.  I thought to myself, if I just keep sleeping at some point my husband would hear the son who he adored and feel the need to care for his needs just as I did (particularly because my husband always goes into work later than I do).  And to my surprise, I was right.  My theory worked.  Night after night I listened to my hubby dutifully wake up and care for our son until it got to the point where even if I woke up to care of him, he screamed and cried and demanded his dad.  Yet, in so many other areas of my life, I find myself slipping into the "me fourth" pattern.  

So on Saturday when Princess started commenting that her body hurt (i.e. her muscles hurt) after gymnastics and swimming classes that I dutifully take her to and sit on my behind for two hours while ensuring that she gets the necessary exercise to stay fit and healthy, I decided - tomorrow, it's "me" first.  And I did it - woke up at 9:30 - headed to my hot yoga class by 10:00 then got home by noon and proceeded to be mommy again.  Of course, I felt a bit out of sorts for the rest of the day.  But today, my muscles ache ... and I can smile from the effects of "me first Sunday"!

Computer Engineer

So it's been a while since I've blogged - caught up in the holiday fever and trying to stay calm in the midst of the hell that is the private school  application process.  But the events of this weekend forced me to get online again.

Last weekend I decided that it was time to paint the playroom.  I was tired of seeing the dirt streaked walls and after all, I purchased my $5 gallon of "oops" paint at Home Depot months ago.  Enough procrastinating about moving all the toys, getting behind the piano, etc., etc., etc.  I went to Ikea, picked up some storage items, then decided to get to work.  After heading to the basement to get my painting supplies, I discovered that my hubby must have thrown out the roller after our last paint job.  It's now 9pm and my dream of a painted play room is now slowly slipping away.  But hubby offers to go pick up the roller because Home Depot doesn't close until 10pm.  I'm thrilled - I'm going to get the job done after all!  

When hubby heads to HD, I decide to do some brain quest activities with princess and prince is running around - not begging for attention, not getting in the way, just being a good little boy.  Hubby returns home about 30 minutes later with my roller - I thank him, he heads upstairs, then I hear the following: "Prince took all the keys off my computer!!!!!!!!" To which I reply: "What?"  I mean seriously, I could not have heard him right.  Because that just cannot be possible.  Then he repeats it - the agitation in his voice growing.  I fly - literally - up the stairs to the bedroom and stare in horror - no, disbelief - no, amazement - no, shock.  I've never seen anything like it - ALL the keys were off the computer and strewn all over the bedroom - bed, floor, everywhere!  Of course, hubby blamed me for insisting that the computer should be community property (and probably also for requiring him to go to Home Depot).  Of course, hubby isn't blaming himself for leaving the computer, unattended on the bed, while heading down the street.

So I spend the next three hours dutifully piecing together the keyboard on the macbook (because of course there is no way hubby can even begin to attempt this task as he won't even assemble IKEA furniture).  By 1am, we are down to seven broken keys. So I then spent the next three hours painting because I was so wound up by the night's events that I could not sleep if I tried.  Fortunately, the mac store saved my marriage by replacing the broken keys for free on Sunday morning (that's my plug for Apple).  And I'm thinking ... who wants to be an Engineer?  

Everyday Math?

I know this "Everyday Math" is all the rage, but seriously, at the end of a long day, why do I have to make sense of 28-10+2 when I'm trying to figure out the answer to 28-8? If you're doing subtraction, you're supposed to be subtracting! 

Breathless

So after leaving work yesterday afternoon, I went home to hang out with the kids for an hour before heading to back-to-school night at my son's pre-school. I make this decision instead of going for a drink before the meeting because I feel some guilt over the fact that I won't see my kids tonight even if the reason I won't see them is a good one (i.e. I'm being a caring, interested parent in the eyes of his school). My husband of course can't make the meeting because he can't get out of work on time and my son needs at least one representative, so of course, it's me!

Within 10 minutes of being at home, Princess starts showing me the "dark princess" costume she really wants for Halloween this year because the princess costume she has from two years ago that she wore once does not look dark and the bratz costume from last year (again, worn once) is a "genie" and she MUST be a dark princess and it's not enough to dye the light princess costume or just buy a black witch hat. So now, I am a witch because I refuse to spend yet another $40 on another costume that will sit in the closet collecting dust. So I leave the house for the meeting with a child who is in tears and distraught over the fact that her mother is a witch who won't make her happy by meeting this very simple request.

This morning, Prince wakes me at 6am because he needs to find his green train. I kid you not, Prince has over 20 trains, many of which are green, but apparently none of trains that we find today meet the criteria. I finally manage to get another 1/2 hour of sleep only to wake up to the news that it's my day to take Prince to school because Hubby has class tonight and mom is volunteering at Princess' school so I accept that I will get to work late. I'm now tired and cranky because I stayed up way too late last night watching the debate and the post-debate analysis - but I get Prince ready and we head out the door to the chant of "I want my green train" and mommy promising to buy this mysterious green train although I have no idea what train is missing! We are now almost at school, when he starts - "No, I want to go back home!" I park the car and when I go to unbuckle Prince, he is standing on the floor with his head buried in the car seat (don't ask). I get him out the car, lift all forty pounds all the way to his classroom, then he starts screaming and crying that he wants to go home. After trying every trick in the book, I eventually leave him screaming (because when all else fails, the trick that works is for mommy to get lost) and head to the office because of course, today is picture day and I forgot the forms at home.

So I pay for the pictures - go to check on Prince who is now lying on the floor looking like the world has come to an end - leave the school close to tears and am now heading to work at 9:30. I'm almost at work when I decide it's time to put on some lipstick so my face does not reflect the horror show that was my life this morning and of course - I have no make-up because I left my handbag in the office at Prince's school. Seriously - I couldn't make this sh*& up if I tried ....

A whole new world

Welcome to my blog - hopefully as I embark on this new adventure, my blog will become much more inviting. For today, my task is simple - get it up and running because apparently there is a whole new world out there that I've been accessing daily, without fully comprehending its breadth.

For the past year, I've been an Obamamama - a political junkie who clicks furiously through the various left leaning blogs to understand every twist and turn that this election has taken ever since Barack Obama announced his candidacy for POTUS. I've slowly learned the lingo of the political blogosphere and I now realize that by the time I get home in the evening, there is nothing that Chris Matthews has to report that I haven't learned already at TPM or the Huffington Post. I also occasionally check out my friends' blogs thinking how on earth do they find the time to add one more thing to their schedules? I mean really - who has the time to diary the insanity that has become our lives just for the heck of it (that word "heck" has taken on new significance these days)?

Then I discovered - this blogging thing may just be worth the investment of time because one of my blogging moms disclosed this juicy nugget - she was given an all expenses paid trip to check out a Disney resort! Now THAT's my language. I love writing and sharing experiences, but the thought of a free vacation in the year when I've taken two all-American vacations by loading my family and food and heading to a nearby shore, is all the motivation I need to get busy. Mind you, the vacations were fun - we headed to Nemacolin (a woodland resort) where the kids got to feed wild animals like bears and tigers and we got some good R&R - and before that we took a trip to the Chesapeake Bay where we flew kites, enjoyed some fresh air and swam in the indoor/outdoor hot tub. But at this point even Princess is at the point where she's like "Mom, can we go on a real vacation ... like when we get on an airplane?"

So, now I just have to find a way to work this into my schedule while trying to maintain my equilibrium - amidst the dropping off at school, picking up from swimming, gymnastics, Kumon or music, attending the myriad school events (bazaars, back to school nights, picnics, etc. etc.) that have now doubled because my son started pre-school this fall, and most of all working so that I can afford to pay the tuition for my kids to go to school (that's a story for another post) and lest I forget the most important thing, trying to stay fit - because I could barely afford to take a vacation this year and unless someone bails me out, next year isn't looking a whole lot better. Stay tuned as I am embark on this journey into a whole new world!